Father’s Day Thoughts

To me, being a father is one of the most rewarding parts of my life. I  am blessed to be called Pops, Poppy, God Father, Uncle, Mr. Doug and Buddy. I believe care makes a dad and we must embrace that care. Unfortunately, not every dad has the same opportunities as I was fortunate to have from my caregiver networks.

My earliest memory of paternal caring  was sitting in my grandfather’s lap reading, bonding and learning together. By listening closely to him, I began to absorb the words and memorize those favorite stories—first pretending to repeat them, then sounding out syllables, and eventually learning to read both alongside him and on my own. Coming full circle, I have been privileged to do same with my father and with my immediate three generations including my precious daughter and grandson. The love of learning and reading was fundamental to our family for caring and growing for — and with — one another.

It was not a question that my family placed a high value on setting goals and expectations for learning and academic achievement. Everything revolved around caring. Having been involved as a  Sunday School teacher, Vacation Bible School (VBS leader), I became invested in coaching, supporting and mentoring students throughout various life and work experiences. These experiences shaped me as an entrepreneur, higher education counselor, community organizer and early advocate with the Prichard Committee — and strengthened my commitment to creating the same opportunities for my family and for all children.

These life events and experiences were transformational to me stepping into a leadership role as coordinator of the inaugural Family Resource Center (FRC) in my county, which served two Title 1 schools. It was quite an awakening that, unfortunately, not all of us are privileged with the same shared values.

Making home visits to families who had no access to clean water and suffered from food insecurity, insufficient housing and a pronounced lack of basic needs opened my eyes.  One of our overlooked families was targeted as an urgent referral due to excessive absences. The father refused to respond or come into the school for a meeting despite a pending court order. He said they would “just home school” their children.  He said he dropped out of school in 8th grade with unaddressed learning difficulties. Now here he was, years later, unable to read and unemployed due to back issues.

He felt uncomfortably intimidated by the threats made by the school and was surprised that a male from the school would come to his home. We gradually bonded through caring conversations on the porch as I listened to his concerns and intentionally engaged with an empathetic perspective. We talked about the children, his prized dogs, his farm and the beautiful garden nearby. He eventually invited me inside the home where no one from school had ever entered. The conversations then led to us talking about how we both cared for our children and the importance he placed on wanting better lives for his children. He told me that was embarrassed about the condition of his home, so they always hid from previous attempts made by school counselors. Once the FRC became highly involved, the dad was embarrassed but humbly appreciated what the FRC ultimately did for his kids and family; armed with practically every resource we could offer to help them and, importantly, a plan to get the kids to school every day

While visiting in the home, we recognized the surroundings were filled with his amazing carpentry and woodworking  skills. I asked if he could help me with a project for the school — a book and supply store on wheels to roll around the school. The centers accessed  donations and we all worked together on the plan and build, guided by this father, who only a few weeks earlier, would not set foot in the school.

We became a team in every way as he mentored us through the process. Once completed, it was an incredible opportunity with teachers who celebrated his skills. It became a work experience for students to manage the store. Soon, he began to regularly enter through the back door of the school. Working with the principal, we arranged an “Above and Beyond” award for his contribution, which he accepted and displayed on his wall at home. The principal raved about the project during the surprise celebration.

The following semester he attended events like Family Nights Out” and “Donuts with Dad.” He even helped me coordinate a landscaping project for the school.  He consistently participated anytime he was asked and for every center event. His wife began to attend PTA meetings and volunteer in the classroom. He reluctantly attended each of our six evening sessions at our parent support group, where he bonded with another male in the group who later employed him.

I will never forget when a fellow participant in the group baked a cake to help celebrate him. He said it was the first birthday cake he ever had!  The group celebrated again when he eventually earned his GED after attending adult education classes. His wife became highly involved at school, working as a substitute aide, which led to a full-time job at the school. She was very bright and began to take classes at the University.  The family became actively involved in their children’s lives through parent and school involvement opportunities,  which transformed their lives and futures of their children. And it all began when two dads, from two completely different backgrounds, bonded over their shared value of caring deeply for improving the lives of children.

Sure, it was a personal victory for his empowerment. But his children and wife, the school, the FRC, community and society were also better as he became an employed, productive and engaged citizen.

This experience provided inspiration to me as the program grew by three more schools and throughout my career. Eventually, in my role as the Region 7 FRYSC Program Manager, I had a clear purpose: putting personal relationships at the center of my mentoring, training and program development.

Being inspired by my first mentors led to sharing with my own mentees. I think we can all embrace the power of caring as we work to empower others to enhance their education and transform their future. Whether our role is father or father, stepfather or stepmother, coach, pastor or teacher, it’s our duty to show empathy and care for everyone who needs it. All means ALL when it comes to creating family friendly schools.